i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
