it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
