Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize