i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
