my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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