when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
