best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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