you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
