Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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