I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
