she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want nice things and good sex
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
