we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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