I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
