he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
