we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They took my balls.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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