Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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