Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
