Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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