I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
