upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
