and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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