New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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