just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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