I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
