If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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