What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
