UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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