Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
