I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
