I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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