so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
