It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dear god my vagina.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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