i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
