I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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