it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
