She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You pole danced in your parka.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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