i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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