Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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