the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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