i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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