Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
