I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We're too hungover to prance.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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