Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
