Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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