I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
