He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
