I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
