I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
