Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
