Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
