My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
