White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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