did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
