Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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