we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
