its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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