Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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