Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
