I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
