She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
