I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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