I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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