he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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