U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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